Korean table manners — spoons, chopsticks and who eats first

You are invited to dinner at a Korean friend's home. Her grandmother is at the table. The food is ready, and it smells great. Should you start? Not yet.

Who eats first?

The oldest person usually starts. Korea.net, the official government site, says younger people usually don't pick up their spoon and chopsticks until older people do. The Korea Herald also says it is seen as rude when a younger person starts first.

So, sit down and wait a moment. When the grandmother picks up her spoon, you can begin.

Older people sometimes say 먼저 먹어 (meonjeo meogeo, "eat first") or 많이 먹어 (mani meogeo, "eat a lot"). If they tell you to start, it's fine to start.

When an older person picks up the spoon, the meal begins.

Spoon or chopsticks?

Korea is special here. A curator at the National Museum of Korea told The Korea Herald that Korea uses the spoon as the main tool for both rice and soup. In China and Japan, rice is often eaten with chopsticks.

Chopsticks can feel hard to use at first. That's OK. Nobody expects a visitor to be perfect. Take your time, and use the spoon for anything with rice.

Korea.net also describes the traditional setting. In that setting, rice goes on the left and soup on the right.

What should I never do?

Don't stand chopsticks in your rice

This is the most important rule in this article. Do not push your chopsticks or spoon straight up into a bowl of rice.

The Korea Herald explains why. This is done at funerals, or at a 제사 (jesa). A 제사 is a memorial service where food is offered to family members who have died. At a normal meal, it looks rude and can upset people.

When you take a break, lay your chopsticks on the table or across the side of your plate.

Don't lift your rice bowl

Some visitors are used to holding the rice bowl near the mouth. In Korea, the rice bowl and soup bowl usually stay on the table. Korea.net lists lifting the rice or soup bowl as something to avoid.

You bring the food to your mouth with the spoon, not the bowl to your mouth. This is one reason the spoon matters so much.

Two more small things

Korea.net mentions two more things to avoid during a meal. Try not to blow your nose at the table. Also, try not to pick your teeth while others are eating.

What do I say?

These two fixed phrases work at home too, not only at restaurants.

• 잘 먹겠습니다. (jal meokgetseumnida) — before eating. "I will eat well." It thanks the cook or the person who invited you.
• 잘 먹었습니다. (jal meogeotseumnida) — after eating. "I ate well."

At a friend's home, say 잘 먹겠습니다 to the person who cooked. Say it just before you start.

If you have read our guide to Korean restaurant phrases, you know these already. At home they mean even more, because a real person cooked for you.

Why share everything?

A Korean meal often has rice and soup for each person. Then there are many small side dishes, or 반찬 (banchan), in the middle. Everyone eats from them.

The Korea Herald notes that some people still eat from one big shared bowl. People also put food on each other's plates as a kind act. If someone puts a piece of meat on your rice, it is a friendly thing. A simple 감사합니다 [감사함니다] (gamsahamnida, "thank you") is a good answer.

The same article describes other small acts. People set out spoons and chopsticks for the whole group, and pour water for everyone. Taking care of the others at the table is a big part of Korean table manners.

Are these rules still strict?

It depends on the family. Korea.net says that in the past, people did not talk during meals. Some homes still keep that rule, but many families talk a lot while they eat.

Young people are often more relaxed with friends. The rules about elders and the chopsticks are the ones to remember. If you are not sure, watch the oldest person at the table and follow them.

Quick check

1. Grandma has not picked up her spoon yet. Do you start eating? → No, wait for her.
2. Which tool do you use for rice in Korea? → The spoon (숟가락).
3. You want a short break. Where do your chopsticks go? → On the table, not standing in the rice.